In and Out of Focus

“A cold, cold darkness and past confusion is quickly calling yeah, all of my illusions.” 

(With thanks to Blue Cheer)

Everything feels like yesterday except yesterday;
everything feels like today except today.

Decades-old memories are easily summoned;
last week’s barely recognisable.

Childhood dreams still glitter like stars;
last night’s dreams read as unmemorable.

Ronda R. Scott-Marak
© 27 August 2015

Who are you now?

"At Sixty One" (with thanks to Janis Ian) 

 

Anyone who knows me at all knows my worst enemy is Self.

I am Compassion, Empathy, Understanding, Reason,

Patience, Forbearance, Reckless Endurance, Pain;

Complacency never contemplated as a possible option
 or underachievement a considered goal.

If you believe in it then do it, if not, why are you acting?

If it’s your truth, then shout it, if not, then why do you speak?

 

Ronda R. Scott-Marak

© 8 August 2015

I'm ‘FIXING a HOLE’ where the rain gets in

(with thanks to Lennon and McCartney)

There is a hole deep inside me that reverbs and echoes

filled with mirrors and memories,
with darkness, and light.

I try to fill it with joy and appreciation,
with music, with colour,
with starlight and sun.

The emptiness pleads for praise and affirmation
requesting endorsement,
demanding replies.

All I can tell it is that Echo answers
the wind sweeps the raindrops,
and Light fills the gloom.

Ronda R. Scott-Marak
© 11 August 2015

“Maybe the Last Time, I don’t Know”

(with thanks to Mick Jagger and Keith Richards)

Each sorrow, each loss, each terror, each tear
I ask myself, “Is this it?  Is it over?”

Each joy, each blessing, each present, each smile
I ask myself, “Will I know this happiness again?”

Things always happen without warning,
both the bad and the good;
even the expected happens suddenly.

Each moment is its own surprise.

How can one prepare for cataclysm or bliss?

If we go through life always expecting endings and beginnings;
making each “so long” a potential “goodbye”
how do we ever find time to live?

And yet, when one is aware of time, how do we not?

We can only pay attention and appreciate each moment:
happy or sad, frightened or peaceful, angry or content
for that is how we understand our blessings.

That is how we learn to say goodbye, as well as hello;
that is how we learn to live.

Ronda R. Scott-Marak 
© 3 August 2015

Cloak of Invisibility

(No one should live their life at the side of the road)

The last in the queue,
the last person picked,
the last phone to ring,
the last door to knock;
the last person asked
the first person told.
The last thank you sent,
the last present bought,
the last person noticed,
the last to be heard;
the last person trusted
the first to be blamed.

Ronda R. Scott-Marak
© 26 July 2015

“Just Call me Inspiration”

(with thanks to Carrie Newcomer whose lyrics inspired it, and a nod to Stevie Nicks) 

There is a voice in my mind, just beyond silence; just beyond sound
I recognise its resonance deep in my bones, just beyond hearing; just beyond thought.

I feel it on my skin, like feathers, like grit, just beyond contact; just beyond thought.

It howls with the wind, crashes like waves, it is as sharp as a bird’s beak, as sweet as its song, 
it echoes like canyons, and babbles like brooks, just beyond thunderous; just beyond sigh.

I can’t discern meaning, I cannot catch words; just beyond earshot, just beyond grasp
but I might learn its secret though hidden within; the voice is possibly mine.

Ronda R. Scott-Marak
© 19 July 2015

“My Name is Pain, you Belong to Me”

   (With thanks to Bernie Taupin)

Unflexing, non-malleable, overstretched, taut;

the cords of my neck have tightened like a noose and defeated me.
cold, heat, pills, rubs, fascial and trigger point massage.
raised my work surface with a ream of paper, my elbow with a beanbag.
circumventing right turns, and reversing is challenging.
muscles swollen and clenched, leaving my view to only what’s ahead.
just one night of sleep, one morning without distress, one action without pain.

Gods know I’ve tried to hold my ground, giving not an inch;

I’ve eschewed my pillows, using only the tartan travel horseshoe I bought at Logan;

I avoid the phone unless I can use a Bluetooth, shun the landline;

Every type of stress in my life is bound up like macramé in my neck and shoulder;

The prospect terrifies, the outlook is bleak, the spectacle blurred;

Ronda R. Scott-Marak
© 15 July 2015